“Where are you?” (Gen 3:9)
Saturday was beautiful. I drove back down to Portsmouth, my old stomping ground, the sun bright and glorious across the water as I drove into the city. It was the first time I’d properly been back to the cathedral and my old workplace, and it was such a joy not only to be among friends, but also to speak to the 140 catechists who were gathered. The focus of my talk was on the spiritual life of the catechist (based on Chapter 4 of the Handbook for Catechists) and as I was preparing it, I realised I needed to hear some of the content more than anyone.
I find the days leading from the long, hazy days of the end of August through to the short, dark, festive days of December are the shortest sprint in the whole year – generally crammed from one weekend to the next. You find yourself pushing through, avoiding burnout or a cold or looking tired. In this autumnal sprint we are in, I find that now, more than ever, God is pursuing my heart. While so much else is clamouring for my time, he is more jealous for my time than anyone. Sometimes, for a whole host of reasons, I wrestle with myself to give it to him.
My message to the catechists was: we need to build structure into our lives so that God can ask that important spiritual question to us, “Where are you?” (Genesis 3:9). Where are you? Where are you in relation to me? What’s going on between us? Where’s your heart in relation to mine? In recent weeks, I noticed more time needed to be carved out of my day to let God pose these questions to me. My normal prayer routine wasn’t cutting it.
As it was October, the month of the Rosary, I purchased this:
It is a wonderful lectio divina prayer journal from Take Up and Read. The first time I picked up one of these was last Advent. I was staying at my sister’s as we prepared for the imminent arrival of my baby niece. It turned out to be the most blessed season. While quite chaotic – work, school runs, and nonstop activity – it was also a season of cooking, preparing, cosy nesting… and amid everything, somehow I managed to carve prayer time into each day. Every week my sister’s evening Adoration slot crept up on us, and despite tiredness, one or both of us would crawl into the icy car to drive there and ensure it was covered. Jesus never failed to disappoint during those times, and when I think back now to those days (so many fond memories, not least the birth of our gorgeous Clara Cecilia) they are tied up with the Advent journal, Rooted in Hope.
In this season, God seems to be using one of these journals again to take hold of my heart, make it more fully his own and drawing me to him for a chunk of each day, however crammed with productivity. We need these pauses, to remind ourselves of who we are, why we matter, and who holds us in being. (I loved my friend Kerri’s post on this in the last week.)
So, here are some questions: How is God pursuing your heart? How are you – maybe inadvertently – closing him out or shutting him down? How can you take time to really stay close and listen? I know they are questions I continue to grapple with this autumn…
