Last time, I wrote about how the life of mission and surrender to God cracks open our “buffered selves”, that is, our perception that we control everything that happens in our lives. I think there’s another way we experience more of what Taylor described as the “porous self” too. Family life.
For me nothing beats hanging out with my nephew and nieces, age 5 and under, as a way of unwinding and reconnecting with what really matters in life. I arrive at my sister’s house in the quiet of the evening, knowing that the moment dawn hits the following morning, non-stop activity will ensue. Recently, after a full day’s babysitting, my brother and I climbed into the quiet of my car early the following morning and just exhaled with this, “aaaaand relax” moment. Driving away, back into my ordered and contained life, I am overflowing with thankfulness at the fullness they bring to my life, but also just in awe of my sister, brother-in-law and other parents who have got the “endurance” factor down. Seriously… they are heroes and I don’t know how I would do it.
But hey, you’re asking: what’s this about unwinding and reconnecting?! Well, this is the irony, isn’t it? Spending time with little ones, relentlessly doing the basics like the feeding, the cleaning, the hugs, the explaining, the toileting – this is reconnecting, and it just reminds you of the “unrealness” of the rest of your life – the emails, the uninterrupted lunches, the conference calls, the commutes.
But it’s not just that it’s getting back to basics. It’s also the fact that your levels of control plummet, because seriously… you never really know what will happen next. My sister and I are serious planners and every eventuality is normally catered for in The Bag (every parent of toddlers has one) and The Itinerary (maybe we’re a bit more unusual on that front). But the worlds of babies and spreadsheets don’t mix and this is where unpredictability becomes the name of the game.
And I think that’s why I feel so reconnected when I emerge from an exhausting day with three gorgeous little people. It is good for the soul. As with mission and surrender to God, reality with young children laughs in the face of our “buffered selves”, and how good for us this is. However much we are necessarily committed to the less real world of buffered-self-modern-life, let’s stay close to those elements in life that break open its unreality: not only in children and in mission, but also in the vulnerable, the poor, communities to which are we are committed and which show us how we don’t have it all together. In all this, let’s surrender to God and to his reality, allow him to crack open our “buffered selves”.
