So many of us have experienced plenty of cancelled plans this spring. For me, I should have been in Rome this past weekend. It is the 50th anniversary of the promulgation of the Order of Virgins. (Read Pope Francis’ letter to consecrated virgins here.)
Yet, despite missing out on this gathering of thousands of consecrated virgins from around the world, one of the unexpected joys of lockdown has been a weekly Zoom I have with two young women, who I’d now call friends, who are discerning and in formation for consecrated virginity.
I was consecrated on 1 November 2019 for the archdiocese of Southwark, and it’s the greatest joy of my life. In fact, we call our weekly chat ‘The Joy!’ because it really is filling our hearts with a lot of happiness right now. Together we’ve been reading And You Are Christ’s by Thomas Dubay which is a classic on consecrated life – I would warmly recommend to anyone discerning, or anyone desiring to understand celibacy more deeply.
In my mid to late twenties, I noticed that whenever I thought about a future of apostolic celibacy, I’d unexplainably be filled with consolation. When I discerned my charisms through Called and Gifted, celibacy ranked high and confirmed the direction I already knew my heart was taking. I knew I wasn’t called to religious life, and that I had a calling in the world. Few women live this out, and I was desperate for attractive role models, women who already lived out the choice to give themselves entirely to the Lord. The best role models I could find were women of Opus Dei, and I learnt so much from them, but knew that it wasn’t my vocation.
This article appeared in Cosmopolitan magazine one day, and everything that I read about consecrated virginity spoke to my heart. It set me on the course (finally!) of contacting my archdiocese, and going through steps of discernment and formation that finally led to my consecration last November.
There’s so much more that could be written, and living the grace of this life has revealed more to me than I could ever imagine. The depths and the intimacy Jesus calls me to blows me away. In Dubay’s words, it is,
a deepened sense of being, of total availability to the Lord’s person and his enterprise, of a being sensitised to the new creation. (p. 37)
The following words also reflect my experience:
The young woman could reject the charism and marry, but she cannot reject it without doing some violence to her being. God has captured her as only he can capture. (p. 49)
Or in other words,
You have seduced me, O Lord, and I have let myself be seduced; you have overpowered me: you were the stronger.
Jeremiah 20:7
In case you are reading and feel God may be nudging you to explore this path, please don’t ignore it. It is terrifying to open your heart to this possibility because of how rare it is. The scarcity of women living it means it is hard to imagine ourselves living it – we have few witnesses we can observe. But, speaking as one now living this life, there is nothing to fear. Never have I experienced so much fullness, love, joy, intimacy in the Lord… and my hearts soars to think I have my whole life ahead to live with him. So have no fear. Open your heart to him; discuss it with a spiritual director. You never know what joy you might find.
